The Waiting Game...

So now I wait. I've made it to the finish line. I am officially 40 weeks this week. My baby girl is due Thursday. Since last week I've been experiencing Braxton Hicks contractions. I grow less and less anxious everyday that I've almost convinced myself that I may never have this baby. Though I know that is not an actual possibility because one way or another, she's gotta come out... I'm just finding less and less ways to deal with the discomfort and restlessness of being so pregnant. What's worse is the need to always be close to a bathroom. It makes me wanna run out and buy some depends. I seem to not be able to take trips that are longer than 35 mins long without almost peeing on myself. Several times this week I have boarded the train, only to get off half way to my destination in search of a bathroom. It makes it nearly impossible to be on time to any appointment I have anywhere... I guess I'm just tired of waiting.. Although I will miss the quiet once she is here...

Umemployment frustration...

More than anything in the world I absolutely hate idleness... I have never been the type of person who could allow myself to be complacent with their lot in life. Since childhood I have always strived to do my best at anything I try my hand at, to always put forth all my effort to improve whatever situation I found myself in. For the last year I have been unemployed for 8 out of 12 months. Which is really not my style. Not okay in my book. It has at time almost driven me to the edge of reason. I never really gave up looking for employment but I did allow my ambition to slow to a crawl. Constantly walking into interviews that I was qualified or even over qualified for, I was able to know within minutes weather or not I would be seriously considered for employment. And though in my heart I stayed positive, ignoring the confused looks of interviewers; in my head I knew that no matter how well I presented myself or how great my resume & references are, i would not be getting an invitation for employment.
And now in my last week of pregnancy, I am once again confronted with the hard truth of not only my family's financial situation but also of this city's economic situation. The fact remains that in this economic downturn, the job market is tight and employers are extra picky. But my hope is that they'll now see my determination and pick me.

10 days to go

It's amazing to me how fast time really flies, even when you're not having fun. These last 9 months have been an absolute roller coaster. I'm still finding it hard to believe that in a couple days my baby girl will be a member of the world. it feels like just yesterday that I was debating with myself about what to do with this little one... Thank god the morning sickness is over and done, although I could have sworn it would last forever.
I sit here at night stroking my belly, in an attempt to coax her out into the world. She's smart though, steadily enjoying the warmth and security of the womb. Secretly I think she is scared of her big brother... Even though they sometimes seem to be playing with one another. I know he knows she's in there but I don't know how he will react once she is out. I'm sure that he has yet to adjust to the fact that he will be a big brother soon. I know he is aware that there is a baby in my belly, but his young mind has yet to make the connection that in a few days he'll no longer be the baby. It's probably why the tantrums have increased to gigantic proportions. The next step now is learning to manage it all... balance out the time and attention between them and myself, so neither one feels neglected and I don't go crazy...