I find myself a little bit depressed today after realizing that I am organizing my own baby shower for my 2nd born child. It's all so different than the last time. For one thing I have no clue about what I am doing. Secondly I feel weird that I am doing something for myself that my "bestest" friends are suppossed to be doing. It's a bit nerve racking. But how else am i supposed to get the things (or atleast some of) I need for his little girl? 12 months ago I was 100% positive that i would not be having a second child within 5 years. So like any New Yorker desperate for space, I gave all the un-needed and unused baby clothes, and gadgets to all my friends and co-workers that were expecting their first child. I totally believe in recycling so since learning I was pregnant a second time, I have since ceased with all the bestowing of clothing and things. Saving the majority of my son's slightly used clothing to be passed down to his soon-to-be little sister. The only down side being that none of these things can (or will) be used for another 12 months or so.
What to do? What to do? I'm so so confused... Perhaps I can employ a couple of my friends to help and host for me, and just fit the bill... Or maybe i should just forget about it all... This time I don't really feel special or jolly or elated like before. Just more and more overwrought with stress and worry about what this uncertain economy holds for the future of my family. I sit up at night snacking on carrot sticks and sorbet thinking about everything we need to do and need to get for this little one. I constantly plan and re-figure in my head exactly how to fit a toddler and infant in a one bedroom apartment with two adults. When that one bedroom is more like two rooms with a kitchen but no hallway, no space... Nothing that would allow someone to breath or temporarily escape.. just endless clutter of toys and clothes and books and did i mention toys?
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